How to humiliate yourself in public and offend every woman in sight

Being a skinny white guy riding the D train up to the Bronx, shouldn´t involve reading exlusive porn-magazines depicting black girls in animalic poses, if you wanna stay save and respected. How can anyone think it seems to be a good idea to read smooth girls, ssx, black hustle etc. on the train anyways. It´s humiliating for every female around you, plus people feel either sorry for the guy or get very angry. Every woman in sight absolutly killed him with their eyes. The guys around him couldn´t decide wether they´d fancy punshing him or simply share a peep into the magazine. So what happens: the guys move closer trying to get a glimps of each page but at the same time giving him agressiv looks, clenching their fist. Opening the page with the article 'Size does matter' runs a hectic movment through the people around him. Mr. I´m-such-a-clever-white-guy realizes the situation and 'just about' manages to leave the train in time. As soon as he´s gone people burst out discussing the situation. Girls looking at each other blushing and making annoyed sound. Guys feeling obviously very akward for not having made a move on him...why, how, i mean what????