The tiny man inside my head

I have, since being eight, a tiny man living in my head. I visualize him as being about 2cm tall -using the word tall seems actually like a joke- and maybe a bit like 'Bob the Builder'. Considering the fact, that i didn´t even know who the fuck that was at the blossoming age of eight. So he´s wearing a 'Blaumann', a little yellow builders hat and carrying a tiny hammer. That, he needed to hit very frequently against the inside of my forehead -other people would call that migraen- i didn´t. But i sure hated that little guy. Taking painkillers made everything worse. I really didn´t want to take them, as i experienced, eventually the pain came back. The absured idea grew in my mind, that the painkiller would numben the tiny spot, where the tiny man hit me with his tiny hammer, so the damage would continue and i wouldn´t be able to tell what was going on -which seems worse.

How to humiliate yourself in public and offend every woman in sight

Being a skinny white guy riding the D train up to the Bronx, shouldn´t involve reading exlusive porn-magazines depicting black girls in animalic poses, if you wanna stay save and respected. How can anyone think it seems to be a good idea to read smooth girls, ssx, black hustle etc. on the train anyways. It´s humiliating for every female around you, plus people feel either sorry for the guy or get very angry. Every woman in sight absolutly killed him with their eyes. The guys around him couldn´t decide wether they´d fancy punshing him or simply share a peep into the magazine. So what happens: the guys move closer trying to get a glimps of each page but at the same time giving him agressiv looks, clenching their fist. Opening the page with the article 'Size does matter' runs a hectic movment through the people around him. Mr. I´m-such-a-clever-white-guy realizes the situation and 'just about' manages to leave the train in time. As soon as he´s gone people burst out discussing the situation. Girls looking at each other blushing and making annoyed sound. Guys feeling obviously very akward for not having made a move on him...why, how, i mean what????

how long can it possibly take to eat a frensh bread sandwich, if you lost your two front teeth

being a five years old girl is not easy at all times. Today, on the train, i witnessed the desperate tries of a little mexican girl to eat a frensh bread sandwich. She lost her two front teeth (which happens when you are a 5 yrs old girl, right?) and was sort of mumbling away: sucking, licking and chewing -fighting that hard crust down. I remember when i was about that age, loosing my teeth. First it's weird, that your teeth one by one become wabbly. Then it's fun having a competition with yourself, in what short of time you can get them out, with what technic. And resultingly one has a perfectly huge gap and finest of all is 'spitting through it'. Having this ridiculously tooth gaped smile, kids seem to enjoy smiling even more, then they do anyways. Not to forget the tooth fairy, who brings money or a little present in return of the tooth. But after a while, when eating just becomes a pain in the ass, no one takes you seriously anymore because you spit while talking and look like a tiny version of your own grandma, the wish arises the new tooth would grow more rapidly. Well, i'm certainly not looking forward to the age where i'll have to suck frensh bread again.

Cultural Talk OVOH

Today we had a clutural talk about the situation of political theater in New York, America, the world on behalf of the paly OverThere/OverHere and the american/iraqi war in the middle east. Please everyone read:

http://riverbendblog.blogspot.com/

At the moment i´m not capable of writing any further about this...

Strange fruit

ha, what days passing me by. The last two days i´ve been editing videos for a promo tape for YO! (Youth on Stage) which involved going through tons and tons of unedited video dvs of the last 2 years. Umpf, but finally i did it. Well i came across Hip Hop Cabaret, a show peformed regularly twice a year spring and fall, which obviously combines these two forms of peformance. It´s created out of the idea, that both cabaret and hip hop appeared and spread to deliver political issues in an entertaining way. Each of the shows are different and emerge out of, either relevant political issues or personal statments and points of views of the participants, eventually it emerges out of both. Seeing a girl sing the song 'strange fruit' by Billy Holiday made me shudder. I´ve never heard that song befor and the lyrics are so frightning. Going back home on the A train (this time) a pretty old, black man stumbled into the train, obviously drunk, sitting down opposite to me. The lyrics immediatly came back into my mind. It made me so sad and angry to look at this guy and know that he actually did suffer under racist opression when he was a young man and how probably it screwed his life quite a bit. On the other side of the train was a kid sitting, really trying hard to look scary and gangsterish, staring at this guy. Probably thinking to himself, urgh what a weird dude, but not considering the fact, that if no future plans are made and no step is taken forward one might end up exactly like this. Ah New York...So much input...

vomiting basins and how gravity wins in the end

Wanted

who the f*** is Lackjoe????

Sorry ancient greeks

All-Stars-Workshop

In the wiggle of the weekend -and the days off- i totaly forgot to mention the All-Stars-Workshop i attended as a visitor. As the Castillo theater claims to be a theater for the whole city, their main interest consists: to reach people who normaly would neither go and see a play, nor think about acting themselves. So the aim is to give the lower class kids of New York City a voice to talk about their lives. To reach those kids in the first place, the theater community goes into their Schools to have Talent Shows, but with one big diverence, everyone is the winner because everyone is talented. After that all of the kids get invited to join a All-Stars-Workshop at the Theater. This is what i attended. 120 lower class kids running about, screaming, fighting, wow exhausting. But eventually they split them into 10 groups. Actors from Youth on Stage where their directors for the day. The topic of this workshop was "A live changing experience". The groups weren´t created age wise, so accordingly, in each group where kids from the age of 5 upto teenagers of 19. The whole group talked about their live changing experience and created a little scene out of that, to peform on stage. Eventually watching those scenes brought back what nearly slipped my mind. Where do these kids come from? Death, shootings, prison, drugs, alcohol, not going to school and abusive language appeared in every single scene... i felt devastated.

night impressions

The day off...muuuhhhhaaahhaaaaaaaha

So after all, two days off. Nice one...as i had to sit around yesterday pretty much the whole day, waiting for UPS to turn up, i didn´t have much of a chance to do stuff. Which wasn´t to bad, as museums are closed mondays and i was pretty exhausted after a weekend of work and partying... at Purples or Climax or what ever it´s called, but a nice and hiden not to commercial place, with the finest house music. Mhhh so after all i did a couple of things today. First thing that happens in the morning: i´m walking happily along with my i-pod pluged in, towards the D-train to go downtown, running directly into Dan and Brian. (Dramaturg and Director off Castillo Theater). Appenrently they ve as well just been talking about me, mentioning that i live in the bronx. Yes, i certainly do. So it turns out, the´ve just been to Roosevelt High School (High School in my neighborhood), to talk to them about Youth on Stage. Mhhh, funny coinsidence. After that, i strolled around Central Park, finally finding my way to the Met Museum. Its huge, i´ve been in there for hours and i didn´t even manage to see a quater of their exhibitions. But i suppose i just have to go there again. After that, another hour at the central park just to enjoy the nice weather. Tonight, we went to this Filmpreview, Tenacious D in the pick of destiny... It´s hilarious... everyone go and see it. I did as well plan to go to a hungeryan pastrie shop but i eventually got an headache. But i´ll have to go there sometime else and it did cross my mind: Hey i´m in New York i should really go to a live Jazz-Club...well maybe at the weekend???

welcome to prison

just recently i had a conversation about the current prison situation in the usa. John read about it online and tried to come up with a plan of defens startegies, if in any case he'd have to go to prison sometime. It's on the first hand ridiculous, how everyone gets locked up together from rapist over murderer to psycologically dearranged criminals to the common thug and drug addict, because on the other hand the weaker and more non-agressiv one is, the more one'll be fucked up. Huge, agressive, violent guys will sell you as a sex slave. Any defens method other then actually fighting them wont work. So become a huge, agressive, violent guy yourself as soon as you sense your sentence.
Methodes how it wont work...
Alarm the guards: forget it, the'll send you back in - telling you to behave like a real man. Hide: Not possible neither sharing a 40 bed dorm, nor a double cell and not to mention the open showers and toilets will help you on that one. Don't wash: ah i wouldn't suggest that. You'll get badly hurt by anyone who has to spend time with you - considering your in prison there will be a lot of people having to spend time with you,ouch.Talk to the enemies: are u stupid!!! Join the minor community of white men in american prison to have a protective base: I don't think u'd like to kill a black guy, that's what u'd have to do to join them, as they re all pretty much nazis. So looking at the facts the only chance left >> You'd have to immediatly kill the first person who'd come for you to rape or abuse you, to make your point (good luck on that one). But fancy staying in this place any longer then possible, so thats not an option either, i think one is pretty lost in such circumstances. So knowing all this i was negativly suprised to see this "funny" new film ad. How could anyone possibly joke about that????
Questions over questions.....

german spike heads

new-old fashion

talking to john about his image -or better klischee image- of the germans, involved the word kinky and the regular reverence to the german spike helmets out of world war one. (I wonder if there is actually a real connection between those two?) Well so while thinking about that it appeared to us: Yes, the spike helmets are great, they should be the new fashion for germans.... Why i couldn´t tell but looks great, doesn´t it?

Round All-Stars-Theater

weird day part 2

I found it somehow amusing how in every big city, people seem to use the subway as this sort of platform yelling, shouting and raging for aknowledgement about all sort of stuff, but mostly religion, poverty, "spießer" or corporate america. Yesterday i experienced a very special and once again weird situation. Sitting on the L train to go and fetch a theater knife, this girl asks for the attention of everyone. Starting to explain that being a believer doesn´t have anything to do with being righteous or a good person but rather your personal realtionship to jesus. She didn´t make that much of an unusal point for the "subway-stage-peformance". But then she asked the people on the train to pray with her...and suprisinly people started actually praying with her out loud. It took me a while to figure out, that they all belonged to the same weird group. After praying ("jesus please come into my heart and help me to be good" - i thought this was NOT about being good???) the people of this group eventually split off into little groups, to start random conversations with people -using the underground to get from A to B- which now really started to annoy me. Having to listen to these bullshit blurbs is exhausting enough. But why to i have to deal with someone who is trying to draw me into this awkwardly privat talk about believing or rather not believing on the subway??? People can be so ignorant. Getting off the train became worse, as now this weird guy -who was annoyed by the group as well- was trying to get me into a conversation by saying: "I should have told them i came to New York City for the sin." I felt like screaming: "leave me alone this is not a better way to chatt people up, go home" going on the underground is always such an experience ;)

Meet Jill.
Jill is ill.
Pour Jill.

That is Jill
from the front.
That´s better, Jill

That is Jills
daily meal.
A glass of air.

weird event

Once again, after a long time of no see... i´ll add up my blog. Up to now if been working my ass of to get this play working. Today we had the tech and i was actually really suprised how stage, light and costumes did eventually come together to a great whole some. Everybody did a great job on their behalfe. Actually i was about to write about yesterday because it was a weird confusing day to me. I worked at the theater till three and then met up with John to sort of wonder about finding my way through this huge place. I wanted to head for Soho and walk to China town where i hoped to find an art store... but we got very very stuck in the underground and when we got off, found ourselves next to Brooklyn Bridge...we walked into the finacial district had lunch (John did, i had a cappucino) and went on looking for canal street -where the art shop is supposedly- well as john is not the greatest in directing you about we could neither find canal street nor the art shop...but we walked down a pretty busy street and reach a place which appered to me even from far away very deserted for a place like New York -where every single spot is occupied with somekind of weird building-. But coming closer made things worse...the deserted area looked like a huge gap, like a tooth had fallen out. After a while i realised we where at ground zero. This idea made me -all of a sudden- feel really sad. We walked around the gap and i saw the Memorial Place, where people crowded to look at the pictures and the time line of happenings at 9/11. Loads of them had tears in their eyes, some where crying. This atmosphere was really overwhelming and i wanted to leave as i didn´t feel like joining in into this weird mass sadness. well what struck me as bewildering and scary at the same time: The other towers around the ex-World-Trade-Center are really close, so it made me wonder, all those people who were working there on 9/11 must have had the "perfect" sight on the crash which must have been devastating. I doubt that i could have gone back to work after a couple of days off. I doubt that i would be able to go back into a skyscraper ever again. well, but then i suppose live goes on....

Foot Rub

white Billy Holiday